Arkansas: Part 6

My heart stopped.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move.

Me? First? Wait. . . I don’t know if I’m ready? Was I ready?

Thoughts and memories flashed through my mind. Colorado. . . Arkansas. . . Leaving. . . Quitting. . Conway. . Driving. . Mountains. Lisa. Starbucks. Home. Tears. James. . .

“So what’s up Liz? What do you need to talk about?”

What.

Where do you begin? How do you tell someone, who you have worked with for years, that you were ready to leave? Why would you ever leave such a good place? Why would I ever leave??

My heart longs for something more.

I took a deep breath and calmly said, “Brent . . . I don’t even know how to start this.”

He quickly responded with, “Come’on Liz . . it’s me, just say it.”

“I’m moving.”

As the words escaped my lips, I didn’t know where this statement would take me. What would he think? Would he be supportive? Would he be mad? He had invested so much into me. He was one of the main reasons I was so successful in my career. He had mentored me through so much and really invested in my life. . . . please, please let him understand.

The next 20 minutes of conversation. . . I will never forget.

The excitement in his eyes was . . . overwhelming. He was so interested in where I would be going and what I would be embarking on. Even though I didn’t have a whole lot of answers, he was so supportive. He wanted to know what he could do to help, how he could get me ready for this next phase of life. We talked about when my last day would be. We talked about whoever would replace me. We talked a few more logistics, but the conversation quickly came back around to me leaving. He reminded me that I had always told him that I wanted to do something other than be in the restaurant business. He knew stories of missions trips that I had been on before. He knew my heart. He said he knew this day would always come, he had just hoped it wouldn’t be this soon.

As our conversation was ending, he looked at me. His eyes were soft and sincere. I knew that the words he was about to speak . . . may not be easy to say. He reached across the table and put one of his hands on mine. My eyes began to fill with tears. . . . “Liz, I want you to know what an honor it has been to have you in my life and also to be a part of yours. You truly are an amazing person and I know that this next phase of your life will be nothing but amazing. Promise me you will keep in touch.”

“Of course Brent . . . of course I will.”

“I’m serious Liz . . . promise me you will keep in touch.”

In that moment . . . it hit me. This was the first time that the reality of all this. . . hit me! I was leaving. This was happening. In five weeks I wasn’t going to have a job. In seven weeks I wasn’t going to have a home. But in that moment. . . that precious moment, the only thing that mattered was a friendship. And with hot tears streaming down my face . . . and a lump in my throat, I said, “Yes. . . I promise.”

I got up from the table and walked to the other side of the restaurant. I took a few deep breaths. I cried a little more. The building emotion was engulfing me. . . and now, I could finally let it. I sat down in a booth. As I sat . . . a joy, that I cannot explain, began to saturate my every being. In this moment I could have focused on all that I would be leaving, all the sadness that comes with a move. But all I could think about was, God. . . what’s next?? Cause this . . . this is getting exciting!!

October 1^st, 2009

A little over two weeks had passed. The phasing out process at work was going incredibly well. A replacement had been chosen. I was doing all I could to teach others my responsibilities, so that they could do them once I was gone.

Packing the townhome was beginning to prove to be a different story. There was so much to do. Things to give away. Things to store. Cleaning. Painting. Overwhelming . . . was an understatement.

One of the other factors that made packing the townhome a challenge, was the fact that I didn’t know where I was going to live in Arkansas. Would I need my couch? Would I need pots and pans? So so so many unanswered questions. Emails with Lisa had been very few and far between. I hadn’t heard from her in quite awhile. I didn’t know if living with her was even an option any more. I asked the Lord if I could look for something else. . . maybe an apartment somewhere in Conway. His answer . . . No. This wasn’t the first time I had asked this question, but I figured that as the time for me to leave was drawing closer and closer that eventually the Lord would say, Yes . . now you can do this. Once again I figured that there was going to be something that I would have to do to make this all work out. But . . . that wasn’t how this was working. It never would be how this was working.

Still no place to live. I wasn’t worried. But in my mind we were running out of time. I was 19 days away from my last day at work. And 30 days from being out of my town home.

Calmly and humbly . . . I asked the Lord, yet again . . . Can I maybe email Ms. B and see if she knows of anyone else I can live with?

His response. . . Yes.

I wasted no time! I went to my computer, opened my email account, and began to compose an email in my head as the webpage loaded. As my Inbox appeared on the screen, I had (1) New Message. Interesting. I had checked my email that morning, I wonder what this could be. The first thing I noticed . . . The Sender: Lisa Rateliff.

Before I even opened the email, I knew what it would say.

I opened the email and began to read . . . yes, she still wanted me to come live with her.

Why had I ever questioned the way the Lord was

clearly orchestrating timing and people and places?

She had left her phone number and again I wasted no time. As the phone rang I was so excited to speak with her. She answered. We exchanged “hellos” and “how are you’s”. I told her how I had received her email and was still very interested in living with her. I told her that I had no other options as far as a living situation and she responded with words that quickly calmed my heart, “I want you to live with me.”

It was settled.

I had a place to live.

Details were discussed.

Move in days were planned.

I had a home in Arkansas.

Arkansas: Part 5

Colorado could always be home.

To be honest, I really don’t know if I will ever live in Colorado again . . .

So much was changing. So much was happening.

As I finished my drive to work . . . I knew that everything was going to be different.

A month or so passed and communication with anyone in Arkansas had been difficult. Random phone messages. Unanswered emails. Doubt. I couldn’t get a hold of Lisa to tell her that I had decided to move. I wanted to tell her I was very interested in finding out if the room at her home would be available to rent. Without any communication, I assumed that it was finally time for me to do something . . . take action . . . play a part in all this. I asked God if I could get on-line and start looking at apartment possibilities in the Conway area.

His voice was gentle yet firm, “No.”

Alright. . . . well can I email Ms. B and see if she knows of anyone else I can live with?

“No.”

Ok . . . well then what should I do?

“Be still . . . and know that I am God.”

Of course.

How quickly I had forgotten.

How had I already forgotten??

In my world I only had two months to get things settled before I left.

But in His world . . . two months was an eternity.

As more time passed there was something that I was going to have to DO.

Only me. No one else.

And in doing this . . . my move to Arkansas would be settled.

No retreating. No turning back.

I was going to have to give my notice to my boss, Brent.

Because of the position I was in, I didn’t feel like a normal two weeks notice would be sufficient. My position was not going to be easy to replace. So with careful thought, prayer and consideration of what all it would take for Brent to replace me, I decided to give him five weeks notice. This would be plenty of time for me to “phase out” of my current position and help, in any way I could, with my replacement. When it came to the physical moving part, I also needed some time to pack and clean my town home. I decided that my last day would be October 20^th. I pulled out my calendar to see how far back five weeks would be, the date just happen to land on September 15^th. Now I know what you’re probably thinking . . . September 15^th? What’s so important about September 15^th? Well September 15^th just happened to be my first day back to work from my time in Dallas for my brother’s wedding. It was perfect. The timing was absolutely perfect!

Now you would have thought that after all I had been through with this Arkansas adventure that I would not have been surprised by God’s little winks toward me.

But that is what makes the winks so special . . . they are always a surprise.

September 15^th, 2009

It felt like any other day.

The sun rose.

The air was clean and clear.

The mountains stood to the west in all their majesty and beauty.

But . . . there was something different about today . . .

This day would forever mark my life.

Memories flooded my mind and my heart.

June 6^th. Starbucks. My conversation with Stephanie and Becca.

The telephone call with James and the invitation to come check out Arkansas.

“My heart longs for something more.”

Ms. B and Lisa. Two amazing women, who welcomed me and

didn’t even know me. Maybe a place to live.

“It can really be this easy.”

Three months of loving my family and friends.

Three months of not having to do anything.

“Be still . . . and know that I am God.”

I knew that when I looked back on this story . . . I would never forget September 15^th.

I walked into work with an anxious heart.

I would have to sit through our manager meeting before I would be able to talk to Brent. As we all gathered at our normal meeting spot and sat down, my heart began to race!

Could they tell? Did anyone know how nervous I was? Someone’s gotta know!

I’m pretty sure I could have given myself a heart attack at this point. So I closed my eyes for a brief moment and breathed. “Lord . . . I can’t do this. I cannot make it through this meeting without You. I cannot make it through this conversation with Brent . . . without you! I cannot make it through this day . . . without YOU!”

Without fail . . . or even hesitation the calm, soothing, soft voice whispered once again,

“I am here. I am right here. I am in the rays of the sun . . . I am in the freshness of the air . . . and those . . . are My mountains. Do not be afraid. We will do this together.”

The meeting was long. And of course everyone needed Brent’s time after the meeting . . . Everyone! So towards the end of the meeting I looked across the table, at Brent and said as calmly but as seriously as I could . . . “Brent. . . I really, really need to talk to you after the meeting.” Without much consideration of what I had just said, he quickly responded, “You and everyone else.”

Great. . . would this even happen today? I didn’t think I could handle another day of nerves, sweaty palms and a pounding heart. So frustrating. Even though four of us needed to talk to Brent, in all reality, he would be lucky to get to two of us. His schedule is so crazy after manager meetings. He had conference calls, numbers to run . . . ugghhh . . . the next thing I knew, everyone was getting up from the table and three words were spoken that rang through the room . . .

“Liz, you’re first!”