Arkansas: Part 2

James Bennett.

How would I get a hold of him?

What would I say?

How would I ever begin to explain all this?

I hadn’t talked with James in 4 years.

I wouldn’t even know how to begin.

But remember, some of the best stories . . . don’t always have the best beginnings.

I left the doctor’s office and sat in my car . . . not really sure what I should do next. Maybe this wasn’t happening. Maybe I should wait. . . and maybe I shouldn’t.

As these thoughts flooded my mind, I knew that I had to call James.

And I had to do it soon.

You know that feeling that get when you are walking up the ladder of a high diving board? You know that if you think about it too much you may not jump at all. So you keep climbing, walk to the end of the board and without a thought in your head, you jump . . . . that’s how I felt. I was climbing the ladder and had reached the top.

I had to jump.

So I grabbed my cell phone and quickly looked through the contact list . . . please, please, please say that he’s still in here. And then there it was, a sigh of relief. And without a thought in my head, I hit SEND. As to be expected, it began to ring . . . but then the sudden realization of being on the diving board, gave me a bit of a scare. So many thoughts came running into my mind all at once, it would be impossible for me to write them all now. His voice mail came on, sigh . . but then just as quick as the sigh came another series of thoughts came to mind . . . Now What?!

I’m pretty certain that in the history of awkward voice mails left on people’s phones, this would probably make the Top 10. I stumbled over my words and I’m still not certain how much sense it really made. “Hey James, I k-k-k-know this is probably coming as . . . a-a-a-a surprise me c-a-a-a-alling you after all this time” This wasn’t working. Breathe. . . . Ok . . . I finally gathered myself and my thoughts, “God has turned my world up side down and you and Codi are at the forefront of my mind, and I have to know why”. As I hung up the phone I knew it had begun and now it couldn’t be stopped. I had jumped . . . . I had jumped.

10:00am June 7^th, 2009

My phone rang.

I didn’t even have to look.

I knew it was James.

Emotions ran through me and excitement overwhelmed me. I tried to answer as calmly as I could, but I’m sure the excitement in my voice was obvious. “Hello!” We did the normal “how are you” “good” “how are you”, but James quickly took us to the topic at hand. I will always remember some of his first words, “I want you to know, your call was not a surprise to me, and it is good to hear your voice.” The next 45 minutes were spent sharing. I told him of my struggles with where my life was going and how I was ready to break out. He shared with me about the church and 24/7. The result of the conversation was that I could come down to Arkansas and visit. Check things out. Meet people.

After I hung up a new excitement raced through me.

This is happening. This is really, really happening.

But almost at that exact same moment . . . a quick reality check hit me.

How was I ever going to get the time off of work??

I have to give you a little restaurant info and background, it’ll help.

Being a restaurant manager is amazing. Great people. Great food. Lots of perks. One of the not-so-great things about being a restaurant manager . . . time off, or lack there of. My boss, Brent, absolutely amazing man. Fortunately I had worked with him off-and-on for about 8 years. He knew me well. He knew me when I was in 24/7 and he is a huge factor of why I was so successful in the restaurant world. But he was still my boss. And asking to change my vacation time to go check out a place that I wanted to leave my job for??

This is it. This is where the road ends. I couldn’t do this.

What would I say?

What would Brent say?

Echo . . . echo . . . My heart longs for something more . . . echo . . . echo.

I had to do this.

God . . . this is your unknown . . . not mine. You are with me. You will not leave me.

A few days later at work I was ready. I had thought about every possible answer I may have to give, I was ready for anything. Bring it on. I gathered my composure and asked Brent if I could change my vacation time. I asked for a week off in July instead of September. I expected questions, curiosity, interest . . . . something.

And you know what I got . . .

Sure.

That’s it? No questions? No curiosity? No nothing? Just a simple . . . Sure.

I’ll take it!

It was beginning to become very apparent to me that there was more at work and more going on than what I knew. This intricate working of people and places wasn’t as jumbled of a mess as it may appear. Oh no . . . it was beautiful. God’s orchestration . . . beautiful. So won’t you come with me now? It’s time to go check out Arkansas!

Arkansas: Part 1

I’ve decided that my story really doesn’t have a beginning.

There have been too many things already going on and coming together,

that to mark a beginning to all of this. . .

isn’t that simple.

So I will begin as best as I know how.

My life was great, absolutely wonderful.

Great job. Great friends. Great family. Great life.

But at the end of the day there was a whisper, a constant echo that I could not escape:

My heart longed for something more.

I had shared with close friends and family that I didn’t think I wanted to be in the restaurant business forever. At the time I had been a manager at a restaurant for about

2½ years. It was a job that I really enjoyed. I loved the daily challenges and the constant question of; I wonder what might happen today. The best part about my job was the people that worked for me. I had an absolutely amazing crew. Your restaurant type Dream Team. The best of the best. So why was it that in all this good. . . all I could feel was an ache in my heart for something different. I dismissed it for some time, thinking it may go away. It didn’t. The thought of leaving the restaurant went from a monthly consideration, to a weekly thought, to something I couldn’t escape.

June 6^th, 2009. Little did I know what this day would bring. It was a Tuesday. My roommate Stephanie, my sister Becca and I would meet every Tuesday for an accountability time. Something that was still fairly new to us, but something that had become such a necessity in our lives. It was a pretty normal Tuesday, we talked about the week and where we were at, prayer needs, life, etc. As the time was wrapping up, I checked my watch thinking about what I would do for an hour before I had to go to a routine doctor checkup. As my focus came back into the conversation I noticed that Stephanie and Becca’s countenances had changed. They started to talk to me about what I was doing with my life and when I was going to break out of the corporate mold. At first I didn’t want to hear what they had to say, their words were sharp and cut straight to my core. As they continued to speak, my heart began to soften. Once again my thoughts drifted. Ok Lord, what if I left my job? What would I do? Where would I go? Could I really do this? And as I was asking these questions, a name instantly came to my mind. James Bennett.

We have to go back now a few years, so that you will understand the importance of this name. When I graduated high school I went to a leadership academy called 24/7. I was in the program for 3 years. I could talk at length about the program, but that is a whole ‘nother blog. My first year in 24/7, James was a 3^rd year and my following 2 years, James was on staff. James was someone I grew to respect, trust and really learn from. After his second year on staff, James and his wife Codi, moved to start a 24/7 program at a church in Conway, AR. Hopefully you just had an “ah-ha” moment. Back to the accountability time.

James Bennett. Ok. I hadn’t thought of that name for quite some time. I wonder what he was doing. How Codi was. And as I thought about these things and instant rush of peace came over me. Stephanie had noticed something had changed and quickly asked me, “What was that? Did you just think of something? What just happened?” All I could manage to say was . . . James Bennett. Both her and Becca quickly became silent. It was like they were having the same realization I had just a moment earlier. We all sat in silence. Silence. . . . . . .Silence . . . . . . . . I finally was able to speak, “You guys are right. I have been on a corporate treadmill for too long and it’s time for me to get off. I have been running and running and running, but I am getting no where.” Honestly, what was said by anyone after this. . . I’m not too certain. I just remember one final statement that I made, “I need to call James”.

I got into my car and began to drive to my doctor’s office. What before had been an hour I needed to waste, had quickly become only 10 minutes in which I needed to get there. I went through all the paperwork in a bit of a haze. It wasn’t until I got into the room, with the door closed, sitting in the silence . . . that the tears began to stream down my face. Not tears of sadness or even really tears of joy, but the thought of breaking away from the familiar and stepping into the unknown . . . His unknown . . . overwhelmed me. The tears wouldn’t stop. Slow, steady, hot tears streamed down my face. The next few moments I will always remember. I reached into my purse for any piece of paper I could find and quickly began to write. The words flowed so smoothly and so quickly, but they weren’t my words, they were His. Promises of what would come and restoration of what had been. He was with me, He would not leave me. Yes, I was ready to step into His unknown.

There was only one thing to do . . . call James Bennett.