Arkansas: Part 4

As I left Arkansas and began the long drive back to Colorado . . .

I knew . . . I would be back.

Words fail me when I try to explain what I felt those 15 hours and 32 minutes . . .

those 913 miles back to Colorado. It felt like an eternity. Mile after endless mile.

I turned off the radio. Turned off my cell phone. Turned off the noise.

Left only with my thoughts.

And I drove.

So many emotions raced through me.

Excitement of what was to be. Sadness of what I would be leaving.

Joy in what could be. Heartache of what I would be missing.

Tears.

Once again.

Tears were something that I use to hold back.

Tears were something I use to fight.

Tears . . . were now . . . beautiful.

July 15, 2009

First day back in Colorado.

A new question started to make things come to a quick reality,

When do I leave?

Do I leave as quickly as possible? Do I give my notice to work now? Do I wait?

If I do wait . . . how long should I wait? Hmmm . . . there was still my lease. It was the only thing that really kept me in Colorado. It ended October 31^st. I could pay to get out of it . . . but that would cost a lot of money. I could maybe find someone to take over for me . . . but that would be quite complicated. I could move and try to find a way to pay two rents . . .

In this moment . . . I had literally given myself a headache trying to figure out how I was going to do this. How would I make this all work.

I thought . . . this is it. This is when I need to start doing something.

I have to do something. I have to do this!!

Once again a calm, soothing, soft voice . . . slowly began to speak to my

anxious heart . . .

“Be still . . . and know that I am God.”

Those words still echo in my heart to this very day. Be still . . . Know that HE is God. To be honest . . . I didn’t really know what that looked like. I was so accustomed to doing. Even if the doing was pointless. Being busy . . . had consumed my life.

I thrived on it.

I was addicted to it.

But in this moment . . . all of that changed. . . . I changed.

I would wait till my lease ended in October.

I would enjoy these last 4 months I had in Colorado.

I would spend time with my amazing parents and seek their wisdom through all of this.

I would cherish every moment with Becca, my precious little sister . . . my best friend.

I would engage in every deep conversation I could with my roommate Stephanie,

my heart and soul.

I would love and encourage my staff at work. My epic dream team!!

The people who had captured my heart . . . that is who I would invest in.

This is all I would be . . . doing.

“Be still . . . and know that I am God.”

It seemed so contradictory to not make plans or pursue the “task at hand”. But the promise of . . . “It can really be this easy. If you let Me do this . . . it can be this easy” . . . penetrated my heart. This was no longer just a thought, it was becoming a state of being. Resting in His promises and trusting in His goodness.

Where else would I rather be?

A few weeks later I was driving to work. My routine route . . . the interstate.

The best part about my drive. The view. The majestic Rocky Mountains on my left.

If you don’t already know . . . I am a Colorado girl. Through and through. I love the mountains and everything that comes with them. One of my favorite things to do . . . snowboard. There is something about being so close to His creation. Most of the time I enjoy being by myself. The sound of my board carving into the snow . . . and the amazing times I have with God. It was something I cherished and really learned to love. As I continued to drive and glance at those amazing mountains . . . what I thought to be a silly question . . . kept coming to mind . . . .

“Lord can I please keep my snowboard? You know how much I love to ride and how much I love the mountains. I know there will be no use for it in Arkansas . . . but it really is special to me. But then again, You already know this.”

That calm, soothing, soft voice of the Lord . . . slowly began to speak once again.

“Of course you can.

I love that time with you.

I cherish it more than you do.

I would love it if you keep your board.”

But the voice didn’t stop there like I expected it to.

“And . . . I want you to know something else . . . it’s alright for Colorado to always be home, whether you are here or not . . . it’s ok . . . it can always be home.”

I didn’t even realize that I needed to hear this . . . but after my heart heard it . . .

A peace that I will never be able to capture in words . . . saturated my soul.

Arkansas: Part 3

15 hours and 32 minutes = 913 miles = Colorado Springs to Conway.

It’s quite the drive.

I would be in Conway for 4 days.

I had no idea what to expect.

I still didn’t know what I would tell people. How would I ever explain all this? I still had so many questions of my own, how would I ever answer theirs?

Echo . . . echo . . . My heart longs for something more . . . echo . . . echo.

None of that matters now. This was just another step. Another step in this amazing story; His story. All I knew to do was be obedient and keep walking. It didn’t make sense, but I was quickly learning that it didn’t have to.

Things definitely played out much differently than I thought they would.

I ended up staying with a simply amazing woman, Ms. B. She is the mother of the senior pastor of the church that 24/7 is based out of. She welcomed me with open arms. We spent a lot of time together. I shared with her what God had done the month before, the accountability time with my roommate and sister, the call with James, the changing of my vacation and now there I was . . . in Arkansas. But even in our conversations I couldn’t help but think, “What am I doing here?”

I must be honest. I was really hoping that God was going to answer all my questions in this visit to Arkansas. I was ready to know why He had brought James, Codi and 24/7 to my mind. I wanted to know why my heart was stirred to leave my amazing job and set out into the unknown. I wanted to know how all the logistics would come together. Where would I live? Where would I work? What would I do? I didn’t get all these questions answered, but I got an answer I never saw coming.

So . . . now you need to meet Lisa.

My second day in Arkansas, Ms. B asked me to come meet a friend of hers. I didn’t think much of it. You see, Ms. B knows most everyone in Conway or that’s at least how it felt. We arrived at a cute little house and we were warmly greeted by a woman named Lisa. We sat in her living room and after they chatted for a brief moment, Ms. B looked at me and asked, “Would you please tell Lisa your story?” It took me a moment to gather my thoughts, but in a few minutes I quickly found myself reliving the last few weeks leading up to my visit to Arkansas. I shared with her how I felt like I was on a corporate treadmill . . . running . . . running . . . and running, but really getting nowhere. Tears filled my eyes as I told her that all I knew was that my heart longed for something more. I told her I didn’t understand . . . but how that was ok. I ended as best as knew how. At that time, there really was no ending; the story was really just starting to take form.

I looked over at Lisa and now with tears in her eyes, she said, “Well, then I think I should tell you my story.” For the next 20 minutes or so, I listened in eager anticipation of what she would say. She spoke of being on the same corporate treadmill and how she was simply exhausted. She shared of heartache and pain, divorce, some of life’s unexpected twists and turns. She also spoke of joy and confidence in what God was doing in her life. She then began to tell me how she was looking for someone to possibly rent out the extra bedroom she had. She was also thinking about housing a 24/7 student, but hadn’t decided what to do. She had prayed to the Lord, “Please, please let me know what to do.” And that very day, Ms. B called her and asked if she would meet the girl from Colorado.

Chills ran down my spine!

What was happening?

We talked a little while longer. Making no promises. I was ok with her using the room for a 24/7 student and she was ok if I never came to Arkansas. Nothing set in stone. No contract signed. But the crazy thought of, “Lord, what are you up to?” couldn’t help but run through my mind over and over and over.

Ms. B and I left and began the drive back to her house.

She engaged in a phone call and I engaged with my thoughts.

I stared out the window.

My thoughts:

“Lord, could it be this easy? Do you really already have a place for me to live?”

Then a calm, soothing, soft voice whispered . . . “yes”

Tears streamed down my face.

The voice softly continued:

“It can really be this easy.

If you let Me do this . . . it can be this easy.”

I left Arkansas with no “real answers.”

No one had left a note on my door saying,

“Yep, Elizabeth, this is where you are suppose to be!”

But I did leave Arkansas with a PROMISE . . . “It can really be this easy!”

The winds were beginning to change.